It seems i know how to torture myself. I don’t even need to do anything, just look at the posts that your “friends” post about you, cry and try to move on from that. See how they say you’ve become a bad person and changed. How you’ve pushed everyone away. It really is simple, but those few words make me break down. I can’t stand knowing the people i love, hate me. I hate knowing that i’ve pulled away from people i was once closest to. I don’t like knowing that you blame me for everything. I will take blame for some stuff, but a friendship is a two way street. I can’t make all the effort and you can’t make the effort. But you cannot blame me for nothing happening if you made no effort whatsoever. Honestly, im tired of people blaming me. If plans didnt work out, then they didnt work out. There are 365 days in a year and i am willing to be your friend. If two people don’t talk, they drift away from each other. You can’t blame me for not making an effort, when you didnt at all. 

And i didn’t write a lot about you because everything i say is so repetitive. You know how i feel and you shouldn’t be mad at me for that.  

I have a lot of things to get off my mind…

I haven’t posted here in a while so i guess i’ll just start here by saying that tumblr has turned into the worst thing. I used to come here to vent and get my mind off of things, but recently all it’s turned into is a site that makes me down myself and feel like shit, and a way to harass people. 

My best friend is getting harassed via tumblr from stupid bitches EVERY SINGLE DAY. and i’m honestly just tired of it. what makes people think they have the right to flood someone with hundreds of messages telling her to kill herself and that she is useless and unwanted. Who the hell thinks it’s okay to make people feel so low about themselves that they could possibly feel the need to end their life because that’s what these pathetic people are saying. I feel like people think bombarding people with these things will give them what they want, guess what… it just makes you look pathetic and it causes people to want get you back. anon is so freaking stupid, if you think sending hundreds of messages isn’t going to give it away who it is, you are far from wrong. YOU ARE PATHETIC. just let people live their lives and leave them alone!

Another thing that’s really hard for me to face is that my other best friend, is going to be forced to leave America and has no say in this matter. I honesly don’t know what i would do without her and i can’t imagine her leaving. In two months, we have to find a way to get $5,000 just for her to APPLY to stay in the country, its not even a for sure thing if she gets to stay. That’s what breaks my heart. Nothing is for sure, in a matter of months our lives could change, and we would have no way to stop it, no way to control the way we feel, because we cannot control the government. How is it that i have to say goodbye to my closest friend, the person that has made the biggest impact on my life in the past few months. We have so many plans for the summer, and the rest of our high school career, i can’t imagine it without Eden. I can’t watch her go on a plane to New Zealand and not know when or if she’s coming back. Her family has been a 2nd family to me, they’ve made such a positive impact on me these past few months. I don’t want you to leave. I love you Eds. 

I feel like i’m losing you, im not as close to you anymore and it’s all my fault im pushing you away and i don’t know how to fix it, i still love you and always will… but things aren’t the same. 

I miss you, i miss how things used to be, how close we were. we both have found new friends, and replaced eachother. But i will always look to you as my bestfriend, even if you don’t feel the same i will always be here for you, when she back stabs you or no matter what, even if i don’t like your new bestfriend… actually i hate her. I will always support your choices and be here for you when you need someone to fall back on. I love you and always will. 

Anonymous asked: If youre not going to tell me his name just tell me about him??

he’s a cutie and always knows how to cheer me up. personality is everything and he has a pretty great one :)